Friday Fictioneers — He’s Crazy
This post is in response to Rochelle’s Friday Fictioneers prompt.
His mind was all knotted. The synapses of his brain were truncated. What used to be a free-flowing stream of information, ideas, thoughts, feelings, were being hampered by something the doctors could not diagnose. There was a break between branches of the tree of his mind.
He looked at his wife and did not recognize her. Wait, wait, yes he does. Or did. He sees things but can’t act. She calls him by a strange name. How weird he thinks. And then in a nano of a second he just snapped. He did love her, whoever she was.
Very good take on the prompt and I love that you were so believable – he really was losing his mind! Awesome. Thanks! Nan
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Thanks Nan! I’m glad you enjoyed and thanks for the nice compliment.
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Interesting take on the photo, but it broke my heart. Strikes too close to home for me as well, right now. 😥
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Thanks for sharing!
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Dear Danny,
To me, this is more of a horror story than vampires or witches in the trees. Too much truth and too close to home.
I understand what you were shooting for with the tenses confusion but I personally think his confusion would come through well enough without using two tenses for the price of one. And I could be all wet.
In any case, I enjoyed this piece.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Many thanks for your input as always. I’m always open to advice and counsel.
DJ
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Interesting and one of the most eerie readings this week. I like murder and mayhem and cannibals but losing one’s mind–that’s a seriously disturbing thing. Good work with this and thanks for creeping me out 🙂
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What a wonderful comment! Thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed.
DJ
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A unique take.. to go into the head of a person loosing his mind.. really creative
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I like your comment!
DJ
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I thought the change in tense in this case showed his confusion, so I’m glad that’s what you wanted to convey. Unexpected twist at the end, too. I think fear of losing our minds is a common fear. Thankfully it doesn’t usually end as your story does.
janet
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You nailed it! And the ending shows his complete confusion.
DJ
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A clever take on the prompt, though I too was confused by the change in tenses.
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Was trying to convey his total confusion of thought.
DJ
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Clever take on the prompt! Losing my mind/memory is a fear of mine.
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Thanks! Especially as I age the memory fear is always in the background.
DJ
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Ooh, I liked the ending and the ‘puns’ fit in nicely. I was a bit thrown out by the tenses – I realize confusion is part of your goal, but I’d like to be clearer whether this is what’s going through his head at the time, which would be cool, or thoughts from afterwards, or even from someone else, although I don’t think so.
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I wrote it as what he say going on in his head in an attached state if mind. But I see your point in that it could be read as thoughts afterward. Anyway thanks for your read and thoughtful comment.
DJ
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Good work, I loved it!
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I’m glad! Thanks for the read.
DJ
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