Haibun Thinking: Week 2 — Change In Command   17 comments

Haibun Thinking:

The prompt I chose:

 Gathering her brows like gathering storm, Nursing her wrath to keep it warm
Robert Burns

Photo Credit: Google

She had witnessed the way some of the old town gentlemen celebrated their nights. Not a woman in sight except for those that prepared the feast on which these pigs stuffed themselves. Relegated to the role of waitress was not her style. Beckoning at their every call sent her brows up like two woolly worms getting ready to fight. And on top of that she had to clean up their filthy mess. She thought her future would consist of a lovely husband some rug rats to keep things interesting. Every night she dreamed of them in their graves.

jealously she had

 an old girl should have some  fun

not in this boy’s club

But she dreamed, and with the other ladies left at home, made a plan. Nothing drastic. Nobody would get hurt. The beer will still flow and the fiddle play. Roles would just be reversed. These decrepit drunks would soon be asleep.

when these old men wake

this village of Alloway

belongs to the girls

Posted January 29, 2014 by Danny James in Flash Fiction, Haibun, Poetry

17 responses to “Haibun Thinking: Week 2 — Change In Command

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  1. I’m not great with current musics, but this reminds me of the song -“Girls just wanna have fun”
    -Madonna maybe? I rather think that there wasn’t much time for a girls club in those days (depicted in the image) – so one would have to be cleverly ‘carved out’ 🙂

    ~Cheers, Jules


  2. Ha this is enjoyable.


  3. I like the description of her eyebrows as woolly worms! And it looks like this worm is about to turn.


  4. Oh I really liked this and very unexpected! Great job!!!!


  5. I like that. A woman in a men’s club being leered at abused by the patrons.


  6. Sorry made a typo in my comment – charged – not charges – goes to show we are all human…


  7. What a great haibun Danny. very emotionally charges I loved it. In the second sentence should it be ‘woman’ not ‘women’? Welcome to week two. Very well done.


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