Humor – Oh Danny Boy!

Mondays Finish The Story — Hanalei Bay

This is a flash fiction challenge where you will be provided with a new photo each week, and the first sentence of a story. Your challenge is to finish the story using 100-150 words, not including the sentence provided.

The team headed toward the island not sure what they would find when they arrived.

The invasion of Hanalei Bay had started at 0700 hours on November 3, 1961. The elite rescue team consisted of eight highly trained military personnel in four F470 Zodiac CRRC (Combat Ready Raiding Craft) rafts lead by Skipper Jonas Grumbly. Their mission was to rescue the five passengers of a private yacht named the “S.S. Minnow.” Aboard the yacht, under the witness protection program, was a Professor Xia Wong.

Professor Wong had spoken out about the Communist Party’s efforts to tighten controls on public discourse and squelch discussion of democratic values.

“I’ve got a visual on Professor Wong,” First Mate Krebs yelled over the loud sounds of the heavy waves.

“Describe the situation First Mate.”

“Well Sir, he’s sitting at a long dining table with three other guest and being served by two very attractive girls. And Sir, he’s waving at us.”

“Does he look distressed First Mate?”

“Actually Sir, he’s waving for us to go away!”

His Obituary Read

Santa Monica, CA:

“Richard, whose presence shook up this world in the best of times, transitioned from this life on February 19th, 2014.”

Looking at Richard in his new luxury casket I knew he was laughing his ass off.

Richard was a con mans con man. He started bilking his peers out of their lunch money in grade school. Boy, he was smooth. He could sell anything to anyone it seemed. Too bad he went from legal to illegal in his addiction to fun and money.

He would run a scam in one town until it got to hot and then start anew in another state. I believe he was one of the original “Ponzi” scheme artist. Always advertising unbelievable returns to investors. He gained quite a following of famous people who would tout his brilliance. The investment returns WERE unbelievable because they were not real. He was using new investors funds to provide astronomical returns for his new clients. The old robbing Peter to pay Paul scam. It was a house of cards that was destined to fall and it did. Big time!

Looking around the church I see his four ex wife’s, who make a point of not looking at each other, with dollar signs in their eyes. Being Richard’s financial advisor I knew he was almost broke. But knowing Richard as I did, I knew he had one big surprise left.

Coming towards me, actually almost running, was the funeral director red in the face and sweating. Waving a check in the air, I knew what had happened. Richard’s financial advice that people paid millions for.

Richard always said “Good financial planning was when the last check you wrote to the funeral home bounced.”

I think I see him smiling now.

The Meeting

The message was short. “See me.”

The meeting was short. “You’re not meeting expectations. You’re project is not nearly on schedule. You’re taking way too many sick days. Today is your last day of employment with this firm. Security will meet you at your desk. Please turn your badge and files over to them. The number for the unemployment office is 1.800.5512. Good luck in your future career.”

His cell phone rang and the voice mail from his wife just said “See me!”

Keep Off The Grass

This post is in response to the Sunday Photo Fiction Challenge.

This is Thor - one of the Ravens from the Tower of London. Taken in 2009 It is said that if the Ravens ever leave the Tower, then England will fall.

“Listen Kid, let’s get this straight right from the git-go. I work for your parents, ok? Remember when your mother discovered that ounce of marijuana in your room. And yet you denied it was yours? Come on Sunny Boy, that just proves you were stupid even before you smoked that big doobie. Even your old man called you a dope fiend. Even looking at your eyes now it appears rehab didn’t do the job either. So before your mom and dad take any drastic measures they thought they would try something that might engage your sense of humor. So they hired me to perch on this stupid sign. Do you get it now kid? Keep off the grass! Hope you get the message because I find it hard to sit on top of a Coke can.”

I Was Here

The Daily Prompt:

You are the first astronaut to arrive on a new, uncharted planet. Write the note that you leave to those who come after you.

For Sale

New Planet

Hardly walked on

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