This post is written for Friday Fictioneers.
All I could hear was the low hissing of a machine. My breathing wasn’t my own. The machine on my right was making me breath. I could see the triangle shape of plastic that cover my nose was beginning to fog.
A painful look down revealed jelly coated gauze wrapped over my arms and legs.
Then suddenly a machine I hadn’t noticed began to scream with loud sirens. On this machine were graphs that were making a zig zag pattern on the screen.
At that moment one of the screens went flat.
Yet another reason to quit smoking, Jimmy.
Oh Danny Boy! 
nice…
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My dad worked on fires where people were smoking and fell asleep. They often don’t survive to make it to the hospital. Good story and writing, Danny. —- Suzanne
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Jimmy realized his error way to late. Great story!
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I really like how strange he looks to himself and then the familiar refrain (I used to smoke and it was so hard to give up!).
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Yup! Gave it up myself on April 15th 1977.
DJ
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There are no reason to smoke at all… still when you are caught there is only one way out.
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Good descriptions. I was with him.
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A nice take on the prompt and a great message.
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Oh man… to see yourself like that… awful
(You might want to change the first “here” to “hear” 😉 )
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Done. You can read something ten times and not catch something so obvious. Thanks for the catch.
DJ
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I feel you – that’s what we do for each other…
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Now is he watching his own or someone else’s? I wonder! Good job!
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Once burned twice smoked. I never smoked, but I have watched others and know how difficult it is to stop. Disoriented, fearful, noises that signal doom, a very scary scenario.
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As cautionary tales go, that’s a cracker. Great title, too.
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A cracker of a last line. Well done.
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The old “fall asleep with a lit cigarette” scenario. Nice last line.
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Really effective story, well told.
If I may, just a small grammatical change would improve the last line. You need a comma after “smoking.” Otherwise, it seems as if the person is smoking Jimmy, which is actually pretty unusual 🙂
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You are correct! Otherwise he could get hooked on Jimmy’s.
DJ
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🙂
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That was a hard hitting last line. Very good.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Wow, I to calm down with a cigarette after reading that!
Click to read my FriFic!
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Yikes, how tragic.
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It amazes me that anyone does smoke these days. Too late for Jimmy.
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So many reasons to quit, but it is hard to kick the habit. Nice story.
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I am seeing a spirit leaving…
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I think you are right!
DJ
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Dear Danny
I can think of thousands of reasons to quit smoking.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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I think you got the confusion of coming to with hospital noises around you and yet not knowing why you are there. Even more frightening to have one of the machines flatline. Lets hope it was just a lead falling off. Nice twist at the end.
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